“Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.
But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin. [...]
I want to know what passion is. I want to feel something strongly."